Blog Journal Day 30

Day 30 (August 30, 2010) Topic:  A Dream for the future
First I made it.  Never have I written so many posts in a one month span.  Never have I participated in or completed a blog journal (linking up to others blog journals).  It has been fun to share and to read other's daily journal.  I have to admit it has made me a bit crazy though.  Trying to find the time isn't always easy, especially by 9 pm when I just want to lay in bed and stare at trashy TV (ahem, Real Housewives).  So honestly, I am glad I did it but I am really glad its over!  


As far as a dream for the future...


When I was growing up I wanted to be teacher.  After several years of college I full filled that dream and became a teacher.  I absolutely loved my job.  It was everything I dreamed it would be and even more.  I can honestly say I was a great teacher.  Its in my blood.  My grandma Mullen laid the foundation for my dream.  She was a teacher; when my dad would pick us up we often visited my grandma at her school.  Then we would go to her house and play school ALL WEEKEND. Seriously, all weekend.  My grandparents had a basement set up like a little school for me.  I remember it so vividly.  I would be "correcting papers" Friday night on their couch:) It made me so happy.  My grandma still goes in and subs every now and then and I think it is wonderful.  I only hope to be as good of a teacher as she was/is and love it as much as she did/does.  My Aunt Tracey is wonderful teacher and I also aspire to have the degrees and knowledge she does.  My grandpa was on the school board and there are others on the Mullen side that are teachers and even some principals.  On my mom's side there are several teachers as well.  So like I said its in my blood.  So as for a career dream, I would really like to become a principal when the time is right.  I am currently working on my master's degree in reading and literacy; I will complete the program in December 2011.  Brian and I have already discussed me continuing on with my education and getting a specialist degree in leadership working towards that goal as a principal.


After I became teacher I had a new dream.  I wanted to get married to a wonderful man and have a family.  Well that happened very quicklyy.  After I had babies I had a new dream...I wanted to stay home with those babies. I now stay home.  I am living the dream.  They are simple dreams but they are mine.  Financially, I hope we can continue to make it work and when we can no longer, I will go back to my original dream of teaching.  Above all I would like to see my family in Meadville more often, continue to make spending  time with family and friends here a priority, I would like to have another healthy baby, I pray my children have live long happy, healthy lives and that I grow old with my husband.

Blog Journal Day 29

Day 29 (August 29, 2010) Topic:  Hopes,dreams and plans for the next 365 days
I am going to write a 101 in 1001 which is a list of 101 things in the next 1001 days. That gives me about 2.75 years…I cannot take credit for this idea – it came from http://totaltippinstakeover.blogspot.com and she got it from http://www.dayzeroproject.com.  This will be a list of hopes, dreams, and plans.  I am writing the list and beginning it on Sept 1, 2010, so stay tuned:)

Blog Journal Day 28

Day 28 (August 28. 2010) Topic:  What's in My Purse
The real question is what isn't?!  I am currently looking for a big fall purse.  I say big, because the one I have right now is too small.  I keep my Vera Bradley wallet in there and that is about all that fits - not for me.  So right now my purse is over flowing.  It has three pens, check book, wallet, sunglasses, receipts that I need to write in my balance book, gum, random coupons, some wrappers, a ya-ya (paci), hair bands, my Tiffany"s bracelet that shouldn't be in there, and then I will shove my cell phone in when I leave :(  I don't even want to post a picture.  YUCK!  You know me I am too organized for this mess!  Off to find a purse ASAP.

Blog Journal Day 27

Day 27 (August 27, 2010) Topic:  My Worst Habit
I am a bit of a clean freak.  So much so I think it is rubbing off on the boys.  Logan didn't want to get his cleats dirty at practice, and kept stopping to brush off the grass:(  When we got to the car, Austin's crocs were covered in grass and he said "shoes ka-ka, shoes off."  I am also a people pleaser.  I often do things I don't want to do or things that will make my life a little more difficult to please someone else.  The older I get the less of this I am doing, so happily it is a habit that is weaning.  I also don't check voice mail messages.  I hate it.  I don't know why, they just annoy me.  If you leave a message I probably won't listen to it.  I hit the DELETE ALL button weekly whether or not I have listened to them or not.  Though now that I am subbing some, I do listen to a few more than I would have previously.  I am sure there are others.  

Blog Journal Day 26

Day 26 (August 26, 2010) Topic:  A Week in My Life
I am not going to post a week in the life of me; yesterday's blog a day in the life of me is really what happens 5 out of 7 days.  The other two, Brian is home.  Sometimes the days will be altered with dr. appts, lunch dates, go to my inlaws, going to my parents, going to Target or the mall, etc.  Its a simple non-glamorous life, but I love it!

Blog Journal Day 25

Day 25 (August 25, 2010) Topic:  My Day in Detail

4:30 am - Logan comes in and wants to sleep in our bed, half asleep I scoot over and make room for him

7:30 am - Logan wakes up - so I am up too!  

8:00 am - Austin wakes up

8:30 - Breakfast (bagels with strawberry cream cheese) and a banana for each boy.  

9:00 - Get boys dressed and dress myself in gym clothes

9:20 - Out the door

9:30 - Get to the gym, boys go play, I hit the elliptical

10:30 - Leave gym

10:40 - grocery store with two boys who are getting hungry and tired.  So I open up a box of crackers (that we have yet to purchase) and they have a snack while I shop.

11:20 - Leave the grocery store with more things than on my list and a bit more frazzled than I would have liked to.

11:30 - home to unload groceries (boys bring in the light bags:)

11:45 - I make lunch while they play

12:00 - lunch time (Grilled cheese and chips) while watching Thomas

12:30 - Austin takes a nap, Logan rests, I clean and shower

2:00 - Austin wakes up

2:30 - Leave house to go to Ritas

3:30 - home from Ritas, play, read, do laundry

4:30 - start dinner

5:00 - dinner (taco night)

6:00 - baths

6:30 - Brian's home - he plays with the boys while we talk about our day

7:30 - Read books to boys and tuck them in

8:00 - Mommy time - blogs, facebook, talk to brian

11:00 - Bed time - too late as usual

Another Post from Clover Lane to Share

This is something I need to read over and over.  Things and wants sometimes get in the way of what is most important and "What NOT to Regret" from http://memoriesoncloverlane.blogspot.com/2009/09/what-not-to-regret.html

I remember, after I had 3 children, I needed to do some soul-searching and life-changing. Out of necessity, I had grown a hobby into a business. I was still at home all week, but I would fit "work" into times when my husband was home...on a week night or a weekend. It was a lucrative business, and it helped so much during the years when we needed it to. (I know you will ask...I worked for decorator's doing faux painting and murals for clients.) I worked hard at both jobs...being at home and painting...taking care of my kids and my clients. I often did samples at nap time, returned phone calls when kids were busy, and met with decorators in the hour or two I would employ a sitter.

It seemed like the dream job because it allowed me to do both things, stay at home and make great money. But the truth was, when my 3rd child came along, I was running myself ragged. Stretching myself thin, trying to do to much. My heart was in one place, my mind in another. It was nice to not be "poor", to have extra money for "things", but after awhile I began to realize that I was sacrificing my state of mind and more than ever, my family, my little ones, needed me to have their full attention.

I think when we mothers try to do too much something or someone pays the price. Sometimes it's the kids, sometimes it's the marriage, sometimes it's us. In this case, it was me.

I remember older ladies stopping me in the grocery store and admiring my children and saying,

"Those were the best days of my life."

or

"What I would do to have those days back."

or

"It goes so fast. It's gone in a blink of an eye."

I felt at the time, this general malaise in my heart.

I did some soul searching and talked (and probably cried) with Jeff and made the decision that if I would regret anything in life, it would NOT be spending these precious days of raising my children without a feeling of peace. I want to know, when I am that old lady in the supermarket that I spend quiet days, loving and having fun, and learning and NOT missing the small moments. I did not ever, ever want to have regrets. I don't think I could live with myself.

I quit. It just worked out that my last job was a huge one and enabled me to "retire" with confidence. I was proud of the business I grew, but it had served it's purpose and I let it go without a look back. Things were tight again, but I was OK with it. Because the peace in my heart was worth more than anything.

I have found one of the best ways to examine the life you are living is asking yourself, "Will I regret this?" I picture myself in a rocking chair on a front porch, watching my grandchildren, or great grandchildren play on the lawn. Will I look back with peace in my heart? Will I say,"I wish I would have slowed down and savored every moment?" It's not really a fun thing to do, but it always enables you to spit out the right answer. It always tells me to stay focused, run against the grain of the times, and enjoy the small moments. It reminds me to stay strong and centered about what I want to believe...that simply raising your children, being a mother and a wife, is enough, when everything we read and hear and see is sending us the opposite message.

To say "no" to the excess's of life, and "yes" to the things that really count.

Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you. ~John De Paola

On Staying Home

How do you do it?
That is a question I get a lot when I am at the grocery store with two little boys who want to be anywhere but the grocery store.  Why do I do it?  Because I wanted to be the one going crazy in the grocery store with the two little boys who didn't want to be there.  My stay home days are numbered.  Some are better than others, but they all count and will all be the best days when I look back on my time as a stay home mom.  I read this today and realized it wasn't all the milestones that I stayed home to see it was all the stuff in between.

After 15 years at home, the reasons why I think it's so important to be at home are not what you think. I hear and read, "I want to be there for their first steps. Or their first word. To see all the milestones."

That sounds all nice and warm and fuzzy, but to tell the truth, I can't remember any of those...I'm sure it's marked in baby books somewhere. I DO know the last two took their first steps to Grandma and Dad respectively. Traitors.

The times when I have been so thankful that I made the decision to stay home and thought, "Oh God, what if I wasn't here? What if the daycare, the nanny, the sitter was here instead?" ...those are the times that have cemented any doubt in my mind that home is the best place to be.

I remember one time especially. Due to the graphic nature of this paragraph, no names will be mentioned. I had a sweet little guy, maybe 3 at the time, who very suddenly had a terrible stomachache. He was a shy one, and very private and modest. I quickly gave my advice: sit on the toilet and things might get better. But they didn't...they got worse. MUCH worse. He started crying and I rushed in to sit with him. Soon he was in serious panic. A calm, good-natured boy, this was quite out of character. He was hysterical and just in incredible pain. Things were stopped up. Coming out, but stuck. Get the picture??? My heart was beating fast and I was squashing my panic down as we all do when our children are in pain. He needed help and quickly. And I helped. Do you get it? It wasn't pretty. It was stressful and one of those moments you think, "Did I ever think I was going to be doing THIS?" He was crying and sore and so sweet and tender. He sat on our couch wrapped in a warm blanket for a couple hours, with a snack and little movie. And I seriously cried. I felt so sorry for him. And the next place my mind went was all the little guys this or things like this have happened to, that didn't have their moms around to do these sort of things for them. I thought of the day care center where I worked in college...supposedly the best in the city...miserably busy and chaotic and yucky...I didn't last long. I thought of my nanny jobs...how the kids just waited all day, no matter how much fun we had, till their mommies came home. I thought of a story I heard this past weekend, of a mother who just went back to work this summer and found a "great home daycare" situation. Her husband had recently suprised the caregiver after a couple months and found his little son crying alone with a caked poopy diaper and chaos all around, other babies crying...10 little ones for one caregiver. What was happening those months before he discovered this? It brings tears to my eyes.

This last week or so has been another time when I think, "Thank God it's me." Patrick has been SO difficult. He's such a sweet, happy fellow, but this week....I'll tell you...I don't know if it's teeth, or the kids being gone at school, or just a new little stage, but he wants ME almost every minute. He's 30 pounds and it's not easy lugging this kid around. If he happens to be settled and busy it just means he's up to no good. He'll find a pen or a pencil laying around-my walls his canvas...or he stands on his tippy toes and fishes one out of the drawer and just writes everywhere before I even get a chance to stop him. He's hurt me, physically, 10 times this week. Slammed a door shut on my ankle, given me serious love bites, head butted me (the kind that make your teeth click!), all on accident of course. He's smooshed my lipstick, dumped bags of cereal when given a second. Crinkled my new magazine, ran his stroller into my ankles. When we went on walks, they were as far from enjoyable as you could get. Down every one'sdriveway, in the street constantly, in and out of the stroller every minute, mad as heck when he didn't get his way and we headed home. Tons of whining. Tons.

Do you get the picture? Tested every ounce of my patience. Very unlikeable, but I love him.

That's not to say a break, a fresh set of hands, is not welcome once in awhile. But if I left him all day with someone, they would seriously dislike this usually sweet good-natured boy. No doubt in my mind.

It's the little things like this...the things that come up once in awhile, the bouts of colic, the annoying stages, the private bathroom dilemmas, the runny noses, just a bad days (or weeks)...those are REALLY the reasons I stay home. The hard stuff. The "no fun" stuff.

I want ME to be the one that takes care of all those things. I trust myself. I'm his mother. Who loves him more? I love having never to doubt he's getting the best care every day no matter how impossible he's being. I don't think anyone can do it better than me. I'm not conceited. I'm not bragging. I'm not patient all the time. I am not full of myself. But I do think only me and their Dad LOVE these kids more than anyone else on earth. And not LOVE, the typical meaning that comes to mind.

But LOVE...the hard way. 
http://memoriesoncloverlane.blogspot.com/search/label/On%20Staying%20Home

Blog Journal Day 24

Day 24 (August 24, 2010) Topic: Where I live

I was naive when I started this blog.  I posted pictures of our house inside and out.  I posted where we lived, our address, etc.  I have since learned the harsh world of blogging.  Even though I would like to think anything I post is for family and friends, the truth is this blog is public.  Anyone can access it.  That is scary.  As a mother my priority is keeping my children safe.  I am almost to the point of making the blog private, because pictures can be saved and downloaded and I think its creepy.  For the safety and protection of my children I will not be writing about where we live.  

Logan Potty Training to Reading!

Yes he is a little baby genius.  Well in our eyes.  He has begun to memorize the books I read to him and recite them back to us.  He is also using pictures to tell the story.  His favorite book to "read" right now is

As with all children that read/listen to this story my boys laugh and laugh when we get to the page when David is running down the street without any clothes on and his little butt is showing.  My first graders would be rolling on the floor laughing when we would get to that page and I would giggle along with them.  Now I giggle along with my own children.  Reading is so important to me and when Logan says "mommy will you read to me?" I always do.  I also ask the boys questions about what is on each page (naming objects, what is happening, etc).  This is something else I need to video tape Logan doing.  Austin opens up this particular book and says "no no."  He is following in his brother's footsteps!  

Logan also picked up Left and Right on the flight home on Sunday.  He understands direction and it blows my mind.  Ask him which hand is right and which is left and he can tell you.  When walking through the store today he says "mom lets go left!"  So smart, that 3 year old boy!