Harris Happenings

Thursday, June 30, 2011

6 Weeks Postpartum Where Am I?

Before I begin I need to say something to my children who may read this someday...What Mommy is about to write has nothing to do with any of you. You are all so young that you will never remember this time, but I forever will. Logan, Austin, and Addison you are reasons for living and for doing what I need to do to get better.

Where have I been? Its so unlike me not to post blogs, answer emails, answer texts (not really a phone person but haven't been returning calls), and comptelely out of the facebook loop. As a good friend put it I am in the depths of hell...a place no new mother deserves to be.

Unfortunately I suffered postpartum depression after beging prengnat with both Logan and Austin. After Addison was born I thought I was in control and we would get though the first few weeks. Week 1 I spent in the hospital healing, being waited on, taken care of, and just holding my baby.Week 2 I was home, Brian was home a lot and my mom was here when he couldn't be. Week 3 and 4 though I wasn't in physical pain from the surgery I continuted to take my pain medication daily several times daily. I felt great had the house, the kids, everything was in working order. I even managed to get together Addison's birth announcment. Well week 5 came and I don't know what happened. I no longer had pain medicine, Brian was back at work full time, my mom was back to her day to day, my in laws were in NJ as my mother in law lost her mother, my friends were enjoying their summer, and I sat in my house staring at the walls as they were closing in. Each day that week was worse than the day before. By Friday I wanted to die. The pain I had deep inside made me want to die. I wanted it to go away, needed it to go away. I would beg Brian not to go to work each day that week, I couldn't play with my kids, could barely take care of the kids and the house, didn't want to get out of bed, and cried and cried and cried. I didn't want to hurt my kids or myself but I didn't want to be here or to live one more minute this way. I HATED everything. If I was't crying I was screaming in rage at Brian. I sat on the floor for hours Friday the 24th and sobbed. Brian did some research and we called my dr. who's office closed early that day. The nurse directed me to go to another office downtown, but I couldn't. I could barely move let a lone drive down town to be seen. So I stayed home, my mom came over and I did what I needed to that week to survive, taking it minute by minute. Brian took time off and then I had an appt with my OB for my 6 week check up today.

I was diagnosed with severe postpartum depression. I was prescribed Zoloft 200 mg, Wellbutrin 300 mg and Ativan. My dr. told Brian not to leave me alone for long periods of time that it was time to call in the troops. Any help we could afford or were able to get is what we needed to do. I go back to the dr. next Friday July 8. If I am 10% better we are on the right track, if not he will have to refer me out to a facility or physciatrist. Please pray I am at least 10% better.

I need to say this...I know how blessed I am to have three healthy, beautiful children. Addison is perfect just as my boys are. Again this has nothing to do with them. It is hormonal along with some environmental things that my dr. wants me to work on and get help with (like laundry, cleaning, a sitter). I reached my breaking point.

I have reached out to some dear friends that I couldn't get through this without. My friend Janelle sent me a text asking which of the things she listed I would like her to do. One was for her to make several dinners. Today she brought over enough food for a week! She would just sit with me so I am not alone but for her to make all that food so I wouldn't have to worry about it, well I will never forget her kindness. Holly (my step mom) was great with information on different medications and checking in several times each day. My best friend Elizabeth wants to come here and help with my kids leaving her own kids at home! I have friends who text to check in, I have friends and family that are going to see me through this. My mom is down the street I just need to call out to her more. She is going to help us get someone in to take care of the house for a little bit. Again just grateful for the support and love. For those who did not know, I am not one to air dirty laundry and I am not good about asking for help. I am sorry you may feel left out, but know not many knew about my suffereing. I suffered in silence, but know now I can't keep going on like that.

So that is where I am at. I am sad that this is happening once again but on such a large scale is scary. Taking life day by day, really hour by hour, even minute by minute. Asking and taking help, getting better so I can be a wife to my husband and be a mother my babies so deserve. Thank you God for my husband who has taken on everything in home and the care of our of children while going to work.

I will write more when I can and hopefully get Addison's birth story and pictures up soon.

Harris Family Party of Five!

Addison Kathleen Harris was born on Thursday, May 19, 2011 at 9:59 PM. She has a head full of black hair and is a little princess weighing 6lbs 11oz and 19 inches long. We are all very much in love with her. Her birth story as well as a recap of each week of her life is coming soon.

Mommy's girl is here!

Love Love Love this baby

Daddy LOVES his princess too

Mommy, Daddy, and Addison at Midnight 2 hours after she was born

LOVE BIG BOWS

First outfit I dressed Addison in during our hospital stay

Our family

Its a bit crazy

But we embrace the crazy.

Logan holding his sister for the first time

Austin warming up to Addison giving his baby kisses

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

38 Weeks...Last Post Before Baby!

Well I think this will be the last post before I have Addison. I am exhausted and really the only thing I should be doing on the computer right now is grad school stuff preparing for a week off:) I went to my 38 week appt yesterday with Brian and the boys. The night before Brian stated he would be talking with the dr. so I could go ahead and have the baby; he also threw in that since the nurse (when I was pregnant with Logan) said he was as pregnant as I was he had a say in the matter...Well we went and nothing has changed. Through all the walking, cleaning, and other stuff I did to try to get my body going, nothing did the trick. SO that leads me to think I should just relax (ha) and wait until Monday morning. Everything is planned out from the boys staying with my mom the night before to my sweet dr. agreeing to deliver me at the hospital closer to us rather than going to the ATL location. We'll leave the house at 4am and get checked in. By 4:45ish I should be in my room getting an epidural then off to surgery at 6:30ish. My dr. did say if I was to call "thinking" I was in labor that I could go down and have the baby this week. Brian is all about that, but for some reason through all the contractions, back pain, sleepless nights, and feeling like blah I just want to wait until Monday. I think I am nervous. Nervous about surgery, nervous about how the boys will adjust, nervous about taking care of another little person. So unless I am in serious pain I am going to wait. Today the boys and I had a lunch date at Mellow Mushroom. I sat there thinking that may be the last time its just the three of us at lunch. As I was watching them play the other day at the playground I teared up hoping I showed them enough love and attention, just feeling worried at how a new baby tends to take over the house. Then I remembered their sweet, fun personalities and how Brian and I have spent day after day nurturing the relationships we have them. They are going to be fine, its me who needs a bit more reassurance (Thank God for Brian). When I shared my concerns with Brian he said he would be with me every minute during surgery holding my hand and as far as feeling overwhelmed about adding a third that he would be here to help me. I think we will all be ok and feel very blessed to be adding a baby girl to our family.

Pregnancy Highlights

How Far Along: 38 Weeks

Size of baby: Addison's now the size of a watermelon!

The last bits of vernix caseosa (the white goo keeping baby's skin moist) and lanugo (downy hair) are slowly shedding into my amniotic fluid. Baby's head is about the same circumference as her abdomen, and her head could be covered in an inch or so of hair (WOOHOO bring on the hair, Mama's got the bows ready)!from the bump.com.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Final weigh says I weigh 140. So from the starting weight of 105, I gained 35lbs.
Maternity Clothes: My regular tops are getting a bit short to cover the belly! I have a lot of summer maternity clothes from the boys so those are out and I am also loving the long maxi dresses. Still love my Gilligan & O'Malley black yoga like pants from Target.

Gender: It's a girl!!! Addison Kathleen Harris

Movement: This week Addison hasn't moved much sending me into a complete crazy state of worrying all day long and laying on my side and drink coconut mocha fraps to get her moving! However she still has hiccups every day.
Sleep: Well I have AWFUL back pain, especially my right side where my sciatic nerve is involved. Once I get to sleep I can sleep but getting comfortable is hard and requires at least 10 pillows! I have been waking up at 6am and am up for the day. Not loving that at all. I can't wait to sleep again - well in several months from now I guess!

What I miss: Not much but sleeping on my stomach and not having back pain.

Cravings: WATERMELON I ate a whole one in two days (Austin helped some). Rita's also has watermelon ice that I LOVE

Symptoms: Mostly heartburn! She has hair:) Contractions and lots of pressure.

Best Moment of the Week: Final countdown and some fun stuff arriving in the mail:)

Mimi bought this for Addison - Love it

I bought this OVER THE TOP and am in LOVE. It is packed in the hospital bag:)

Sweet flower hat

38 Weeks Pregnant - heading to chuck-e-cheese to celebrate Logan turning 4 (Sunday the 15th)

Love this four year old boy!

Monday, May 9, 2011

37 Weeks & Mother's Day 2011

On Saturday we spent the afternoon with my mom-in-law to celebrate her and how much we appreciate all she does for us. On Sunday Brian left some special treats for me but had to be at work. So the boys and I got up and got dressed and met my family for breakfast and some water fun in their driveway. It was a nice day, I was really just happy to be sitting down and being with my babies. When we were at my in-laws on Saturday we sat down for dinner. Logan said "everybody hold hands" and then he said our dinner prayer followed by signing the cross. Love that boy!

Love my babies and can't wait for there to be 3!

My mom and me with the boys

Water fun

Oh so big and white (I need a tan)!

My mom with her kids

The moms :)

Mother's Day was a nice day, but I was really looking forward to my OB appt today. I knew I had made progress and couldn't wait to find out just how much. Addison is low, my cervix (tmi) is soft, and 1 cm dilated. My dr. said my body is working on it, well keep on working body I can't wait to see my baby girl. My blood pressure is good, my weight is the same, Addison's heart rate was 146 and she is measuring a week behind. I was concerned with the measurements, but my OB said she is great and will probably weigh close to 7 lbs but not much more. Logan was 7 lbs 8 oz and Austin was 7 lbs 14 oz. We will see in less than 2 weeks! I can't believe in two Mondays from now I will be holding my girl.

37 weeks

Pregnancy Highlights

How Far Along: 37 Weeks

Size of baby: Addison's now the size of a watermelon!
I'm full term (yay!) baby is gaining about 1/2 ounce a day and getting her first sticky poop (called meconium) ready. She's also brushing up on skills for the outside world: blinking, sucking, inhaling, exhaling, and gripping (it's getting strong!) from the bump.com.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Well no more weight loss but only packed on one pound within a week! Total weight gain 33lbs. Starting weight 105 current weight 138 lbs.

Maternity Clothes: My regular tops are getting a bit short to cover the belly! I have a lot of summer maternity clothes from the boys so those are out and I am also loving the long maxi dresses. Still love my Gilligan & O'Malley black yoga like pants from Target.

Gender: It's a girl!!! Addison Kathleen Harris

Movement: Addison is slowing down some, but still has hiccups like a champ - several times a day!

Sleep: Well I have AWFUL back pain, especially my right side where my sciatic nerve is involved. Once I get to sleep I can sleep but getting comfortable is hard and requires at least 10 pillows! I have been waking up at 6am and am up for the day. Not loving that at all. I can't wait to sleep again - well in several months from now I guess!

What I miss: Not much but sleeping on my stomach and not having back pain.

Cravings: WATERMELON I ate a whole one in two days (Austin helped some). Rita's also has watermelon ice that I LOVE

Symptoms: Mostly heartburn! She has hair:) Contractions and lots of pressure.

Monday, May 2, 2011

36 Weeks

Not much to report this week. I had an OB appt today and nothing is new. I wasn't "checked" as to not stir stuff up. I measured almost 36 weeks, Addison is smaller than the boys were. Her heart rate was 152 and my blood pressure was 110/60. Its been 102/58 usually I am in the 90's. I don't think she will come early, I should embrace this time but I am so uncomfortable and tired and moody. I am ready to meet Addison. I started my 7th master's course today. What am I thinking? I am crazy out of my mind. I have three weeks to cram in 7 weeks of work. Really my professor is being really great and will work with me. I couldn't drop the course so here we are a baby on the way and a few classes away from graduation! We'll see how it all goes. 3 weeks 21 days and we'll be holding our princess!

Pregnancy Highlights

How Far Along: 36 Weeks
Size of baby: Addison's now the size of a honeydew!
Baby's skin is getting smooth and soft, her gums are rigid, her liver and kidneys are in working order, and her circulation and immune system are basically good to go. Her lungs are the only organs that still need to fully mature, but every day she gets a little closer to breathing on her own.
From now on, her growth is mostly in the plumping up department -- though she won't get much longer, she'll put on a pound or more of baby fat before birth. (She's about 15 percent right now and will be about 30 percent by full-term.) Her hearing is totally developed (baby responds best to higher pitches) from the bump.com.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Well no more weight loss but only packed on one pound within a week! Total weight gain 32lbs. Starting weight 105 current weight 137 lbs.
Maternity Clothes: My regular tops are getting a bit short to cover the belly! I have a lot of summer maternity clothes from the boys so those are out and I am also loving the long maxi dresses. Still love my Gilligan & O'Malley black yoga like pants from Target.

Gender: It's a girl!!! Addison Kathleen Harris

Movement: Addison is slowing down some, but still has hiccups like a champ - several times a day!

Sleep: Well I have AWFUL back pain, especially my right side where my sciatic nerve is involved. Once I get to sleep I can sleep but getting comfortable is hard and requires at least 10 pillows!

What I miss: Not much but sleeping on my stomach and not having back pain.

Cravings: None. My stomach is squished so food is no longer a joy. Fruit and anything liquid is great. I am so thirsty all the time.

Symptoms: Mostly heartburn! She has hair:) Contractions started at 30 weeks and back pain.

Best Moment this week: Spending time with the boys realizing soon I will be a mommy to 3 babies, one of them a girl!

Logan's 4th Montage

At Catch Air they have jumbo screens where they show pictures of the birthday kid. I put together a cd of photos of Logan from baby to 4 years and boy did I cry doing so. My first baby turning 4 is surreal and I LOVE him (and Austin and Addison) more than life. My children have made me a better person and bring so much joy and love to our family. I am lucky they picked me to be their mommy and each day I live I live for them.

Happy Birthday Logan May 15, 2007

On the way home from the hospital May 17, 2007

A few days old at our pediatrican. I love this of Brian looking at him. Brian loves his boys.

Logan and Elijah's first play date

That baby, those eyes...my life

Happy 1st Birthday! (Big "prince" themed party)

How big is Logan? "So BIG!"

kisses

The day we became a family of 4, October 15, 2008

Logan is 17 months to the day holding Austin

Visiting me at school

Monkey baby

When Austin arrived he had new ears to hold. Sometimes he'll hold our ear still but not very often. At the time I thought he would go to college holding our ears, I miss it.