Truthful Thursday

As I write this I am watching "In the Motherhood" a new show on ABC.
I feel like the lady in the Suave commercial where she has the baby in the baby Bjorn and life is changing around her except for the great hair, the commercial ends saying something about real life happening.
Anyway I digress, In the past I have really only blogged about the fun, exciting, happy times in our lives. I blog about all the great things that go on in our family from haircuts to pregnancy to birth stories and moving. However I usually don't' blog about the "yucky" days. Its not that we don't have them, we really do, a lot of them. I realize that I tend to only write about the good stuff. Why? Maybe because I was grew up straying away from publicly sharing the "dirty laundry" of life. Maybe I do it not really knowing I am doing it! Whatever the reason is, only fun, exciting, happy times is not real life. I want to be able to look back on our blog be a year, five years, or 20 years and read about our life, our real life. So I am going to start airing a bit more of our "dirty laundry." I am going to begin with Monday of this week. It was a bad day. A day that made me question my mothering...
We had a busy weekend, ending with Austin's baptism on Sunday. We were all tired, me, Brian, the boys. The boys were asleep by 7pm! Brian and I followed around 9. Since the kids went to bed so early, that meant for an early wake up - a 5:30am wake up. I made Logan cheese eggs and he watched a short Barney video. By 7:00am he was exhausted. Back to bed he went until 9:30! That meant at nap time he was not going to sleep. We read some of his ABC bible book and through the tears of not wanting to go to sleep he threw the hard back book at my nose! After telling him that we don't throw things at or hit people I let him get up. I decided it was time to go to the park. I get the kids ready and pull the double jogger out of the garage. Logan begins to scream NO!!!! He did not want to sit in the jogger next to his brother. I made him get in it and he is still screaming, our neighbor came out to check on him he was screaming so loud! I decided to give up and put Austin in the baby Bjorn and push Logan in his car (like a stroller but in the shape of a car). He was loving life, getting pushed in his car to the park where he proceeded to run and play and slide for an hour! Then it was time to go. It was almost 5pm and I still had to make dinner. So I prepared Logan by telling him he could go down the slide "one more time and then it was time to leave." One more time turned into 4 more times and then me carrying him kicking and screaming to the toy car (with Austin strapped to my chest). He was carrying on and running from me every time I put him down to adjust Austin from falling out. I finally got him in the car and he stood up, jumped out and threw himself in the dirt and started rolling and kicking and still screaming. Just as I was about to grab him and spank his butt (diaper) a kind woman came up to us. She said "Hi Mom" in a very overly cheerful voice "can I help you?" I did all but fall to the ground kissing her feet. I quickly tried to explain that I was trying to get Logan in his car to take the kids home. She looked at Logan and said, "hey buddy, I like your car, can you show me how you drive it." Wouldn't you know he jumped in his car and was ready to go. I apologized and said how embarrassed I was and how crazy I must have looked. She helped me get Austin settled back in the baby Bjorn (oh yes, during Logan's tantrum I was taking Austin out of the baby Bjorn, thinking I would lay him in the car, push him and carrying Logan a 1/2 mile back to our house). The kind woman said she had children that were older now but remembered being in my shoes and that I would be okay. I thanked her again and started walking home - crying.
I felt defeated by my toddler. I didn't know how I managed a classroom of 20 6 year old children and couldn't get my toddler in his car to go home. By the time we got home, we were all exhausted and Logan was filthy from rolling in dirt. I put Austin in his crib to take a quick cat nap and got Logan in the tub to take a bubble bath. I told him I was sorry for losing my temper. Then decided that the best thing to do was to learn from the experience and move on. Tuesday would be another day.