I needed to read that. I was having a really bad day. The first day of school is always hard on me. I always wish I were in a classroom full of excited children -sad isn't it? I am home with my two beautiful boys wishing I was somewhere else. I am always conflicted by this. If I were in that classroom on the first day of school with 20 some new "friends" I would be wishing I was home with my two babies.
I heard the school buses this morning from my bed, I should have been thankful to still be in bed, but I was sad and tired. All I could think was "I could be sad and tired with a classroom full of children ready to start a new school year, but I am here and the kids are getting up and will be demanding breakfast, laundry needs done, dishes put away, the animals need fed, diapers need changed, I clean the house on Mondays, lunch will need made, naps, asking a 3 year old if he has to go potty 8,345 times, snacks, coming up with ideas to entertain the kids, building a train track that will get destroyed before dinner, dinner - what will I make?"; just thinking about the day exhausted me. Then thoughts about money crept in. Me staying home makes us financially strapped. There are no extras. I looked around my bedroom and thought if I was in the classroom I would get a paycheck at the end of the month and could finally buy curtains and decorate the walls. I really didn't want to get out of bed. Then Logan came in my bed and said "Hi Mommy I love You, can you make me breakfast?" then Austin calling from his "mama I want up, mama!" It was at that moment that I remembered why I left something I loved so much to be with the little people that I loved more.
It was a rough day, a completely "poor me" kinda day. A poor me kinda day that some people dream of having. So I prayed, I prayed to be a better mommy tomorrow, I prayed to to be content with what I have, I prayed for forgiveness for each time I thought that I wanted to be somewhere else, I prayed that one day I could be a mother, wife, and teacher and be great at all three, I prayed for the mothers that had to leave their children today, I prayed that I would be more thankful for the opportunity to be with my boys, I prayed that financially it would get easier, I prayed that even though I was snappy at the boys that they know how much I love them and will know that these days were the best days of their mommy's life, I prayed...
I heard the school buses this morning from my bed, I should have been thankful to still be in bed, but I was sad and tired. All I could think was "I could be sad and tired with a classroom full of children ready to start a new school year, but I am here and the kids are getting up and will be demanding breakfast, laundry needs done, dishes put away, the animals need fed, diapers need changed, I clean the house on Mondays, lunch will need made, naps, asking a 3 year old if he has to go potty 8,345 times, snacks, coming up with ideas to entertain the kids, building a train track that will get destroyed before dinner, dinner - what will I make?"; just thinking about the day exhausted me. Then thoughts about money crept in. Me staying home makes us financially strapped. There are no extras. I looked around my bedroom and thought if I was in the classroom I would get a paycheck at the end of the month and could finally buy curtains and decorate the walls. I really didn't want to get out of bed. Then Logan came in my bed and said "Hi Mommy I love You, can you make me breakfast?" then Austin calling from his "mama I want up, mama!" It was at that moment that I remembered why I left something I loved so much to be with the little people that I loved more.
It was a rough day, a completely "poor me" kinda day. A poor me kinda day that some people dream of having. So I prayed, I prayed to be a better mommy tomorrow, I prayed to to be content with what I have, I prayed for forgiveness for each time I thought that I wanted to be somewhere else, I prayed that one day I could be a mother, wife, and teacher and be great at all three, I prayed for the mothers that had to leave their children today, I prayed that I would be more thankful for the opportunity to be with my boys, I prayed that financially it would get easier, I prayed that even though I was snappy at the boys that they know how much I love them and will know that these days were the best days of their mommy's life, I prayed...
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