Present Again

So it's been a week since I saw my dr. and started takimg medicine. It hasnt been an easy week especially adjusting to the meds. However the outpour of support from family and friends has deeply touched me and helped to get me through the day. I know it is difficult to understand postpartum depression If you have never gone through it. My previous post was a reflection on how I felt. Each woman feels differently after having a baby hormones play a huge role as well. I am not suicidal but stand by the statement that my I was in so much emotional/mental pain I needed it to go away I couldn't live one more minute the way I felt and I didn't. I took the right steps and got the medical help I needed. The support from our family and friends means so much to me and Brian....the dinners, cards, Facebook messages, texts, errands, offers to do just about anything we needed. Thank you really thank you for the continuous love you have shown.

The past two days I have been very present (finally). I have spent the days with just my kids as Brian was working long hours. Yesterday I set up their pool and watched them jump off the back of their John Deere tractor aka the mystery machine yelling "look mom! Watch this!" I listened to my daughter make her first real coo sounds like she has something to say, she has the most beautiful smile. Today I took the three of them to chick fil a. I just sat there and watched my boys eat dipping their chicken in polynesian sauce. I realized that I didn't want to miss these moments and just how lucky I am to have the three of them and the abundance of love I feel for each of them. They are gifts from God that I need not taken for granted and that being their mommy is the most important job I will ever have. I wish I could bottle up their innocence, their joy and love for life.

Addison twirls my hair when she nurses, I simply adore her.Logan calls toenails "nail toes" and I don't correct him because soon enough he will be corrected in preschool and I will never hear his little voice mention needing his nail toes cut. The way austin says mom is so sweet and when he wants something he squints his eyes and talks in a whisper (like I'm going to get you). The endless songs we sing, puzzles and trains we play, the questions that are always coming, the hugs and kisses, the laughter, and endless love will get me through this along with a great husband who says "it's ok to cry" or "I'll do dinner."

Thank you again for reaching out and picking me back up when I was waaaaay down. Love to all. Pictures of my beautiful children coming soon.