Not Me Monday

Why do my Not Me Monday's always begin late Sunday/early Monday morning?  Well it was not me who took chocolate covered raisins to bed and certainly wasn't me that woke up with chocolate smeared all over the sheets and white comforter.  Logan didn't climb in the bed, so I didn't try to blame it on him when Brian asked about the chocolate incident.  it was not me that woke up at 7:00 am to drive across town to get my hair highlighted by my very prego beautician. It was not her last available appointment and I did not have to beg my sweet husband to stay home until I returned at 10am.  It was not me pumping gas on the way because I was wayyyyyy below the red line.  It was not me that paid for my $4.19 non fat Carmel macchiato in all change.  The "Barista" certainly did not give me an "are you kidding me" look.  I certainly did not tell her that one day she would be doing the same thing.  I was not jealous of my about to give birth hair dresser.  She did not look flawless and completely ready to give birth to her fourth boy.  I did not leave with sopping wet hair to get home in time for my husband to leave for his meeting.  I did not cry on the way home because I wanted to be the one having a baby.  I did not walk into complete madness in my house (I did not think on the way home that breakfast would be cleaned up, the kids would be dressed, and the house would be in order), which made me realize "oh yeah" another baby isn't a super idea right now.  I did not have to put both sticky syrup eating boys in the tub immediately upon my arrival home and my husband did not say "see ya later."  I did not clean like a complete freak for an hour.  I did not give my boys pizza for lunch, which they loved.  I did not actually fall asleep during nap time.  I did not wake up in a complete anxiety attack.  So much to do, didn't know where to start.  So I did not take an atavan.  I did not make chicken fingers and cheesy broccoli for dinner.  I did not completely fall into my husbands arms when he walked in.  He did not have to put me to bed to get me to calm down.  I did not get up to fold piece of clean laundry and put it away.  I did not make lists to get me through the rest of the week as to what I need to get done each day.  I am not sitting here watching Dancing with the Stars thinking that I have not eaten one thing today.  NOT ME!